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Ghetto Wedding 2 | Steve Harvey Classic

- I'll tell it to ya in order.

I'm just gon' tell you what happened at the weddin',

'cause to put it in order don't make no (beeping) sense.

First of all, they have 24 people in the weddin'.

(audience laughs)

Who you know really got 12 (beeping) friends?

12 groomsmen with 12 bride?

The colors they chose was chocolate brown and mint green.

(audience laughs)

And none of the women went to the same store.

(audience laughs)

You know how many shades of green it is?

Them heifers were standin' up there

look like a bag of Skittles.

(audience laughs) (audience applauding)

It was mint green, lime green, money green,

emerald green, yellow green, her green, grass green.

I said, "Lord, have mercy!"

And two of her girlfriends is dancers.

Oh no, no, no, no, no.

Not Alvin Ailey dancers.

(audience laughs)

I'm talkin' 'bout, come on, the pole, pole.

Stripper, wrap your leg 'round it, let's go.

(audience laughs)

Now these two heifers,

one of 'em got a tattoo of a snake goin'

up her leg and it wraps around her thigh

and the snake is bitin' at that thing.

Now they done modified they gown.

They'd tore a split all the way up to here.

That's how I know the snake head is bitin' at it.

Now they comin' up the aisle just advertisin'.

(audience laughs)

We in church!

My Aunt Agnes said, "Oh no,

"you ain't lookin' at them (beeping).

"You black son of a (beeping)."

(audience laughs)

In the church!

Now, my little wife, "Steve, they cussin' in the church."

I told her, "You don't say nothin'."

I said, "You wanted to come here."

I said, "Don't say a (beeping) thing when we get here.

"You the only one upset 'bout the cussin' at the church.

"This what they do.

"Everybody used to this in here.

"You don't see nobody else sayin' nothin'.

"We at the weddin', you wanted to come, now we here."

(audience laughs)

Now I'ma tell you somethin' else that happened.

This ain't in order.

It don't make no (beeping) sense.

(audience laughs)

My niece has always had a dream

to have on her weddin' day a horse and carriage.

(audience laughs)

Look, when you ain't got money,

there's some things you need

to start checkin' off your list.

(audience laughs)

You ain't got the money for all this here.

Now, you thinkin' white horse, white carriage.

(audience laughs)

Here her and Ricky come 'round the corner.

They done borrowed the man wagon

that sell watermelons in the hood.

(audience laughs) (audience applauding)

All brown house, got a dip in his back,

got hay all on the back of this buckboard,

got some watermelons on it.

She just comin' 'round the corner just as proud.

She get on off of the buckboard,

they throwin' the rice on her before the weddin'.

(audience laughs) (audience applauding)

Here come my wife, "They not supposed to do that."

"They ain't supposed to do none of this.

"We ain't supposed to be here,

"but you're the (beeping) wanted to come.

"Now, you get the rice and throw it."

(audience laughs)

Now she go on in the church.

She in the church, they walkin' in.

I'm gettin' ready to go in the church,

and I notice little Ricky (chuckles) is still

on the buckboard and he cryin'.

(Steve imitates Ricky crying)

He rubbin' his leg.

(Steve imitates Ricky crying)

I go up to the buckboard, I said,

"Ricky, why don't you come on, man?

"You're halfway."

(Steve imitates Ricky crying)

"My leg, my leg."

I said, "What's wrong with your leg?"

"I'm under house arrest."

(audience laughs)

He got a ankle bracelet on,

and his (beeping) rode two far from the house.

(audience laughs) (audience applauding)

Now, it's just stainin' his (beeping).

(Steve imitates Ricky groaning)

(audience laughs)

"Boy, get your stupid (beeping) down off that buckboard,

"and walk up to the front of the church

"and maybe it'll stop hurtin' so much."

(Steve imitates Ricky groaning)

We get in church, oh, it get worse.

These two fools then decided

that they gon' write their own vows.

(audience laughs)

They get in and do a stupid (beeping) thug.

"Yeah, yeah, mic check, yeah, yeah, yeah.

"What, what, what, yeah.

"Yeah, Lil Rick up in here.

"I just wanna say you know that I be there for you forever.

"You know, through the thick and the thin, you understand?

"I take care of you and everybody up in here,

"'cause I'm hard like that.

"You know what I'm sayin'?

"I promise to be with you forever.

"You know, rich and for poor.

"But you know, to hell with that poor, though.

"You know Rick go out here and make it happen.

"I do whatever I got to do.

"I gotta go back to prison

"for you and the kids, I'll go back."

(audience laughs)

My wife, "I'm ready to go.

(audience laughs)

"We got to get outta here.

"You can't do this in the Lord's house."

"We ain't goin' (beeping) nowhere.

(audience laughs)

"I told you we shouldn't even have come

"to this crazy (beeping) weddin'.

"Now, you all of a sudden, you gon' be a Christian."

She was so distraught.

"Steve, this ain't right, this just ain't..."

I said, "Okay, cool.

"Let's go, then."

'Cause she was just too upset but I told her,

you know what I mean?

So, we walkin' out the church,

and we get almost to the door

and I hear the man say, "And now we are goin' outside

"for the releasing of the doves."

(audience laughs)

"Bring your (beeping), come on."

'Cause there ain't no way

in (beeping) I'm fittin' to miss this.

"I know good and (beeping) well you ain't

"got no money for no doves."

You know how much white doves cost?

Y'all, I went outside.

I was the first one at the cage.

I'm standin' there.

"God, this is gonna be good."

(audience laughs)

My wife, "We have to go."

"We ain't goin' no (beeping) where."

That old man came out and opened up that cage.

All kinds of birds flew outta there.

(audience laughs)

There wasn't a white dove in there nowhere.

Pigeons came out, black crows came out.

They had a squirrel in there runnin' the birds out.

Two chickens was in the cage.

And one bird came out like this.

(audience laughs)

(Steve chuckles) (audience laughs)