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How to PROPERLY READ and RSVP to an INVITATION | TRACY HENSEL

good morning everyone welcome back happy

to have you join me what I want to talk

about today is the proper way to read

and reply to an invitation this is going

to be maybe a little bit more pertaining

to a wedding invitation but that is not

always the case just any invitation in

general my first tip is to communicate

to your children that if an invitation

comes in the mail to not open it or if

they do to not throw the invitation away

or the envelope I should say the reason

for that is a lot of wedding venues

nowadays are adult only and also there's

a lot of adult children that could be

dating someone things that you need to

pay attention to my husband and I have a

large family we have three adult

children the three adult children are

out on their own

therefore they are receiving their own

invites to things but I do feel that

there is a skill and that we need to pay

very close attention let me also say

real quick that if you don't receive an

invitation to something don't take it

personally especially when it comes to

wedding invitations a lot of wedding

venues are much smaller these days and

therefore the bride and the groom have

to be very choosy on who they select to

be invited to their special day it

doesn't mean that they don't want

everyone to be there it's just they are

limited on people weddings are very very

costly and expensive and if it's smaller

and in there paying that much money they

they have to pick and choose who comes

first and there are going to be people

that are eliminated another thing that

will happen in that situation is some

people may get a plus-one some people

may not have respect it's very costly to

have a wedding on

stand that it is very difficult for the

bride and groom when they are making

these decisions we have not been in that

situation none of our children are

married yet but I do know that someday

probably sooner than later we will be

facing this same situation

be very mindful and respectful of what

others are doing but back to the invite

one of the things that we have always

told our girls is that if an invitation

comes in the mail and it says mr. and

mrs. Paul Hensel and family if you do

choose to open that if mom and dad are

not home please do not throw the

envelope away we have had that happen

before where the envelope has been

thrown away and we never really got to

see who it was addressed to a lot of

receptions are adult receptions meaning

children are not invited so it is

something that you really want to pay

attention to the other thing is take no

offense if your children are not invited

most wedding receptions have drinking

it's really not a place for small

children I know that when my girls get

married someday if they have the option

to have it be an adult only reception

and they ask my opinion

I know I am going to advise them to make

it an adult only reception for that

reason because again there's drinking

kids like to run around I know it's a

lot of fun but when I was a child and I

see this today when children see the

dancefloor they just want to go

barreling out on that dance floor and

run around and they should their

children but again don't forget there's

drinking there's very expensive items at

wedding receptions it's really just not

a place really for children if you

choose to have children that's great

everybody has their own opinion on that

the other thing is most of the time you

are paying a per plate price and it can

get really costly and then when you're

paying for those children and the other

thing too to bear in mind is like I said

earlier a lot of

newse are much smaller these days and if

you can eliminate eight to ten young

children and you can open that window up

for some adults that you would like to

have there because you're limited on

seating I almost think that you're gonna

be more thankful that you had some of

your friends that maybe you went to

college with or maybe some of your

colleagues from work that you you

wouldn't have been able to invite

because of your smaller venue I would

probably rather enjoy my time with them

than a bunch of children that frankly

are just gonna want to run around but

again to each their own I'm not saying

my way is the is the right way it's

whatever works for you but that is my

opinion that being said when that

invitation comes it's very important for

you to look and see who is on the

invitation if it just says mr. and mrs.

Paul Hensel and that is it that is an

indicator that the children are not

invited don't ask the bride or groom if

children are invited if they were they

would be on there if you are a future

bride or groom remember to be very clear

on your invitations who is invited so

that there's no confusion there the

other thing that I want to mention and I

say this because we recently just got a

wedding invitation for my niece which I

am so excited she is having a reception

that is including children which i think

is wonderful she has a child of her own

again it's to each your own and it'll

all work out I'm just just just sharing

the two different two different sides

this invitation came addressed to uncle

Paul and Tracy Carly in Chloe Carly and

Chloe are the only two that are living

at home and inside it says four seats

are Razoo reserved for you my fourth

daughter Carly will be a senior in high

school she's gonna be 18 and in one more

month she'll be 18 and she has a

boyfriend when this invitation came I

shared with her that there's four seats

reserved so I said Carly just so you

know that means

your boyfriend is not invited and that's

okay again you can only see so many

people so you have to pick and choose

and she's also not an adult not a

long-term relationship but it was

important for me just to communicate

that to her in case she didn't know a

lot of kids at that age they really

don't know these things yet it takes the

parents to communicate and to let them

know so I let her know right away now my

oldest daughter Kirsten is not married

many of you know though that she does

have a long-term boyfriend on their

invitation kirsten was invited Plus Tim

in Tim's daughter but they're adults

that's how the bride and groom choose to

do it my point here is not about how it

should be done or the right way or the

wrong way

my point is for you to pay attention

that's that's all I'm getting at is pay

attention to that don't make assumptions

I have a daughter that lives in New York

just one moment

yes honey it's in the laundry room and I

put money with it but if you don't need

the money

well obviously you probably don't just

give her the voucher yes big family this

is how it works

pips needed me that's Chloe daughter

number five we're keeping it real here

so just very important to pay attention

to that what else was I gonna say before

we were interrupted yeah an important

she'd never make assumptions my daughter

that lives in that back to my daughter

in New York she is not dating anyone she

does not have a long-term boyfriend

she's not dating her she's never shared

with us she's dating anyone in New York

anyway I don't know but I don't think so

we were just out there visiting her and

I didn't get any any hints or or

speculations that there was there that

there was anybody else but for instance

for her she's been invited to a couple

weddings and although she is an adult

she just got invited for one she didn't

get a plus-one now

sometimes in her situation she could get

a plus-one

my daughter Makenna has a long-term

boyfriend not married but she is an

adult she got a plus-one what I'm

getting at is some of my daughters that

have a boyfriend

had a plus one on their invitation but

then I have a daughter that dint that is

okay and that's what I want to share so

many people get so offended or upset I

and I recently just had a conversation

with another person that that had this

happen and was very offended and I had

to remind them it's very costly to have

these wedding receptions let the bride

and groom make the decision let the

bride and groom have their special day

it is not our place to say who's invited

and just be happy for them it's it's a

lot it is a lot and I know we will be

faced with these choices someday when

our girls get married and I know it's

gonna be difficult who do you give a

plus-one to who do you who do you not

who do you eliminate because the venue

is smaller these are decisions in

they're difficult decisions be mindful

and be respectful that it's very it's

difficult on the bride and groom in

their families don't don't hold it

against them it's really sad when that

happens the other thing that I want to

talk about with your invitations in your

RSVPs it's really important to get them

filled out right away and get them

turned back in if you are waiting on

some of your older children to see what

their schedule is go to the reminders

app on your phone and put about seven

days out from what the RSVP date is to

reach out to your children and say are

you going to be able to make it and if

everyone can make it they need to commit

to it

do not let your children last minute say

I can't go to this because I have

something else

and same with adults if you RSVP to

something then you go the bride and

groom and their families are paying a

lot of money for you to be there and you

need to be there it's very disk

respectful to not be there it it really

is irresponsible

if you RSVP you're there that calls for

any invitation I know I'm honing in a

little bit on wedding invitations but

I'm talking about all invitations that

you receive together whether it's a

Facebook invite or if it's an invitation

you received in the mail

if you RSVP that you are going to be

there then you're going to be there it's

a non-negotiable unless something

catastrophic happens and it does and I

know myself if something catastrophic

happened and I couldn't be at something

that I had RSVP'd for knowing the person

that I am and knowing the expense that

goes into any party that anybody throws

I know this because we host parties all

the time I would probably send them a

check for whatever I thought the expense

was because I know they've already paid

for me to be there they've already paid

for my plate and I would send an apology

explain I was in the hospital whatever

it may be because things do happen a

death could happen in the family we

don't know life is unpredictable but if

that's not the case it's your

responsibility to be there the other

thing that it's your responsibility is

to be on time do not show up late for

things

be mindful be respectful get your RSVPs

and the bride and groom want to know

right away who's gonna be there the

sooner you get it in the more they

appreciate it if you don't turn in an

RSVP you don't go because they don't

know you're going that's what these are

for there's always a stamp on it if you

neglect to turn it in you can't assume

that they paid for your plate to be

there you don't go and you write an

apology letter but be responsible it's

amazing how many people really aren't

responsible the other thing going back

to the children never assume your

children are invited if they're not on

the invitation they're not invited it is

not your place to ask our kids going to

be included it's also not your place to

go talk to other people oh I guess kids

aren't invited or were you invited oh

this person wasn't in

it's really not your business it's

really not your business it's the bride

and groom's they get to make the final

call and it's always a difficult one

read the envelopes

pay attention get the RSVP n and I and I

think I think that covers it I don't

know I kind of done this video on a whim

because we just got an invitation so

there you go I thought I would share I

hope this was helpful I hope it makes

sense and I hope none of what was taking

the wrong way again I'm not I'm not

against whatever people do I just I just

know that back when I was a child and a

teenager and even when we got married

every single wedding reception had

children in it ours dead I think it's

only been maybe in the last I don't know

how many years that you will see more

adult only of receptions and venues and

some some people still have a hard time

understanding that or or digesting that

and it's okay things things change

weddings are more expensive now and it's

just a lot different and we have to

understand that and be conscious of that

all right well quit babbling I hope you

have a great day and we will see you

soon in another video all right take

care

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