write

Sympathy pains for Jehovah's Witnesses (and frustrations)

good morning girls and guys I'm back at

my favorite spot this morning doing some

more meditation and self-reflection and

thinking today's Friday August 16th and

it is the first day of the local

congregations regional convention the

first of three days and it's the first

time in my life that I'm not attending

the dish the regional convention I woke

up this morning prepared to go to the

gym my mom was preparing the lunch bags

to go to the convention and she just

briefly commented have a nice day and I

said you too and we parted ways so my

thoughts this morning are about sympathy

now I don't know whether or not anybody

in my family or the congregation may

have sympathy for me and what I'm

processing and dealing with I don't know

if they've really thought about how I

might be feeling going through all of

this but I've thought a lot about what

others

around me close to me that I love are

possibly dealing with and I can imagine

and I've actually seen it that it's

painful for them this is completely

unexpected to have a daughter or sister

or an aunt or a lifelong friend suddenly

no longer believe in what the Jehovah's

Witnesses teach it's probably a huge

shock to them and I'm sure it's painful

so I imagine there are a lot of moments

of private tears and crying and trying

to console each other and find ways to

reach out to me and reason with me and

find a way to get me back and I get it

I totally do I mean I was that person a

little over five months ago I was that

person that would hold on for dear life

to anybody that wanted to leave the

organization of Jehovah's Witnesses I've

tried to bring somebody in four months

ago I asked Jehovah to grab hold of

their heart with both hands and draw

them into a relationship with him that's

what we believed that's what they still

believed and so I get it

so I know that it's painful for them and

I pray for them daily that Jehovah can

can strengthen them and give them peace

they don't know all of the facts they

don't know all of the details and they

don't know why someone would want to put

40 years of their life behind them

because of the hurt and the pain in the

deceit that they have experienced and

learning that the truth through critical

thinking so those are some of my

thoughts this morning I'm also kind of

processing a little bit of frustration

and anger and bitterness because people

just can't let leave good enough alone

people keep reaching out asking

questions that they already have the

answers to or they don't need to know

the answers to

on a week ago Sunday the group overseer

the service group overseer asked for my

field service time for July and I told

him simply that I didn't have any time

for the month of July two days later his

group assistant called me on the phone

and asked me the same question wanted to

put it in to the system and I told him

the same thing that I didn't have any

time for the month of July finally what

two nights ago I received an elder from

the Secretary of the congregation so

apparently these brothers don't

communicate with each other when they

get the answer to the questions because

the secretary the one that who sat with

me on my judicial hearing and did most

of the talking he texted me and asked if

he could get my time for July

and so I said to him that I apologized

that he didn't get the information from

brother 1 and brother two but I did not

have time to report for July and he

wanted to know if I was gonna be at the

convention this weekend

I didn't address the question I didn't

give him a response to that so last

night I'm sitting at home my sister who

doesn't live in the household came over

and had pizza with the family she has

she's the one that said she didn't want

any unnecessary association with me and

wouldn't be speaking to me so she and my

dad have been giving me the silent

treatment or pre shunning me before any

judicial action has been taken and she

decided that it was an appropriate time

to engage in conversation to ask for my

address my new address when I moved to

this day and I said are you gonna send

me a card what do you need it for

and she said maybe so I said I'm moving

to Attleboro that's all you need to know

I don't expect any visits so a few

minutes later she kind of mustered up

some more courage to ask again and she

says if you don't have anything to hide

and you're not doing anything wrong then

why can't you tell me and so I gave her

the address real quick told her what the

address was

she instantly picks up her phone and

starts typing it into into her phone

whether it's to save the address for

herself or to texted somebody so I said

if somebody else gets my address that I

didn't give to give it to them then I'm

gonna press legal charges I don't

believe you can do that but I put it out

there she says I won't care by that time

so apparently she had a hidden agenda to

get my address to share it with somebody

else probably the elder that asked for

my field service time or his wife so

that kind of irks me a little bit

frustrates me that there's all these

spies and private investigators trying

to get information that they have no

business knowing so just a few more days

four more days and I won't be as exposed

to those questions and interrogations it

can start to rebuild my new life and my

new happiness and rediscover who I

really am outside of being a Jehovah's

Witness and I do expect that there will

still be little trickle effects of other

friends that have not yet become aware

of the situation and wanting to reach

out to me and ask me questions and catch

up on what they've been missing so I'm

sure most of it's purely innocent some

of it might be because they were witness

to some gossip or rumors and need to get

the scoop for themselves

so I guess we'll just play that as it

comes but for the most part I'm at peace

mentally I'm not in anguish or

struggling when I really think about my

nieces and my nephew and some close

friends those friends that I love to

visit in Vermont and how I might break

the news to them so sometimes I do get

emotional because I feel like it's an

unfair that we can't just be humans who

have strong friendships despite

religious differences like everybody

else in the world does

anyway so those are my thoughts this

morning getting ready to go to work and

getting ready to enjoy the weekend

while everybody else is at the

convention I'll be finding other ways

occupy my time with new friends and also

preparing to move packing boxes and

stuff so a mix of good and bad I hope

everybody else is enjoying their Friday

and preparing for their weekend and I've

talked to you soon take care