#127 - Ideas for Vow Renewals


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I'm Shannon and I'm Kim and we are your

wedding planning gurus we take the

stress out and put the fun back into

wedding planning ideas for vow renewal

episode number 127 so in this episode we

are answering to listener emails how

exciting is this I personally love it

that we have gotten enough emails from

from our listeners that we now are

answering their emails in our shows and

making full shows of it I love it keep

it coming guys in addition to the

vow-renewal stuff we're going to talk

about the second email is about reading

bears and flower girls attending before

parties and a free party and saw that

this mean it's mainly about vow renewal

yeah and you know you guys know I always

mentioned in my for no I don't know when

that's gonna happen but it's gonna

happen at some point one of these days

yeah and so I'm I'm actually it's really

interested in this vow renewal idea and

questions and stuff so keep those coming

the email was from I guess ain't name

redacted and what we say French lady

says hello love the podcast thank you

very much and I have only started

listening to your podcast when my

husband of 20 years decided that he

wanted to do a vow renewal

that's unusual all sweet is that I've

gotten a lot of wonderful ideas

regarding the wedding but not a lot of

information regarding a vow renewal

since we already have since we have

already had the big wedding years ago

I'd like to know what the etiquette is

regarding a vow renewal should we invite

folk or not do we need to have a

reception or not what roles our parents

would play etc so we're just gonna

answer her email yeah we're gonna keep

going through all her questions and try

to get them all answered here the

etiquette on who you can invite is

basically the same as a wedding mm-hmm

cuz it's basically a wedding it's just

not a legal ceremony right that's the

way I

right a vow renewal is a ceremony to

renew your communication and to

celebrate your life together so far with

your friends and family right you know

the wedding is the celebration of the

start of the whole thing and then a vow

renewal is just a celebration of what's

already happened and more to come yeah

and if you just got through like a with

a rough patch or something like that and

you want to renew your commitment to

each other that's a you know a good time

to have our vow renewal big number

anniversary mmm not like a year after

you got married right

unless let's say you went to elope yeah

and yet yeah they didn't have a big


I like 10 15 20 25 you know those big

number you get to year 25 which I'm

approaching that's a big number it is a

big room nowadays anyway definitely


so who can host well the couple the

children can host if there are children

even the original maid of honor or best

man even your parents still can host if

they want to if they're still living and

it's something that they want to do

right so really anybody can host it

right all right I think I've seen a lot

where the children host it like in their

30th anniversary or something like that

and your children are grown and they're

like I want to do something special for

mom and dad let's have a vow renewal

sometimes it's a surprise and you're

like oh yay that's actually what we did

with my with my parent yeah I can't

remember what year it was I want to say

it was 25 yeah well yeah if my kids hear

this I do not want a surprise Valerie I

don't like those kind of surprises okay

anyway so who can officiate it's not a

legally binding ceremony

so anyone mm-hmm and officiate you can

have your father your brother

the original best man and maid of honor

anyone that you want can officiate

therefore you can just go up there write

your own vows and do it yourself you

don't have to

have anybody exactly maybe her dog stand

up thank you maybe you have other people

reading things right you don't have to

have an official officiant that's right

your dress you could go with your

original gown you could go through your

original gown remade you know using it

pieces of your gown and make something

new you can do something new and totally

different it doesn't have to be a

wedding dress it doesn't have to be

white it can be though yeah

I mean it's totally up to you the only

thing when we were doing our research is

to really skip the veil yeah because you

don't need to hide your innocence ward

off evil spirits right so you know skip

the veil put some nice flowers in your

hair wear a birdcage veil you know just

something smart and sassy that's right

I've never used the word sassy in my

whole entire life sure you have I don't

know about that I think oh I think you

could get so creative with this you know

like if you want to wear white go right


today in today's you know it just

doesn't mean the same as it used to and

lots of people now don't wear wiped

their first wedding yeah no that's true

now your attendance they're not

necessary but if you want people to

stand up with you that's totally up to

you if you want to go with the original

maid of honor you guys are still best

friends whatever do it go for it best

man same thing children was the good

option you can have your children up

standing up there with you

brothers and sisters and you know just

anybody again you can or you don't have

to right it's up to you oh that's what I

love you know it's like it's totally

pretty much a blank a blank thing you

can do whatever you want do you need an

ILS squirt no you can walk down by

yourself if you even decide to walk down

the aisle cuz you don't have to and you

can have your husband walk you down the


mm-hmm you can have your father walk you

down the aisle again you can have your

children walk you down the aisle hmm or

you could dance down the aisle with your

family your kids

whatever or you guys just can come up

front and meet in the middle

like right there's no I'm coming to you

you're coming to me that it's just like

I like the idea of them walking down the

aisle together yeah

waving and shaking hands and throw

kisses and that would be fun

now the ceremony is in quotes right

because it's not really you know it's

not legal ceremony you could look at it

as a ceremony but when in terms of

weddings and vow renewals it's not

necessarily a ceremony like a wedding

right so you can exchange vows you can

have your original vows you can write

new ones especially if say you were

going through a rough patch mm-hmm and

you want to renew this commitment to

each other right new ones right have you

new goals I really think you should

anyway because your life has changed

from that very beginning you know yes

still you want to be with each other

till the end of time or days or whatever

but now you can make it the real

commitments that you know that you need

to make day Jess I'm watching this show

it's a it's an older show it's called

army wives I don't know if you ever

watch that show but anyway I like her

because there was a couple in there they

were having trouble he used of course

he's an art he's in the army he's a

lieutenant colonel so he's not a lot and

they were going through a rough patch

and she was and he's very rigid in his

beliefs they got married when she was 18

he is the only person that she's ever

loved and she's grown mm-hm her her son

is 18 years old he's out of the house

she wanted to start back to work she was

a nurse so she started her nursing

training when she was 18 she wanted to

complete that and she told him says

marriage our commitment to each other is

an organic thing it grows it shrinks it

changes and he's like I don't like

change well right that's you know what a

marriage is it's organic it changes

everything I thought that was I thought

that was a good word

your marriage is organic

right it grows and changes absolutely

and then this is where you say I promise

I will you know make dinner every Monday

through Thursday boxer shorts every - I

will take you out on dates you know just

you know the real stuff I say they're

real stuff and not the fairytale stuff

right like it if you would wash dishes

you can do readings like you mentioned

before people can read poems something

they've written if you have a special

song between you two and sing it mm-hmm

it's just informal I like the idea that

it's informal yeah it's not rigid mm-hmm

you have to do it this way and and every

ceremony goes this this this and this

and then yeah you just do what you want

and then include your friends and

families your best friends that have

been with you for a long time or new

people it's just totally up to you right

she asked if you had a reception yes

hello that's the whole purpose it's a

party it's a party of your commitment

mm-hmm after the you know after the

ceremony's over you have a party you

know since there's no rules really right

you could be having a party everybody

come on together and let's celebrate our

anniversary or whatever you want to say

and say hey come on gonna come in we're

just gonna do a come in we're doing you

right here everybody gather round we're

gonna recommit to each other whatever I

mean totally I just I think that would

be awesome you know get everybody fun

and relaxed and fed and and then go into

this and then keep on partying and

celebrating invitations aren't required

but yes you can't have them hmm well I

think if you're having it's the same

thing if you're having a party and you

want to invite all these people and you

want to make sure that they come I would

do I would do in invitation right they

don't have to be formal or anything you

know I mean if somebody is hosting it

for you

mm-hmm I would say yes it could be a

little bit more formal invitation like

if it's your kids then yes because

you're like because they needed special

wording yeah right to get the point

across of what's gonna happen exactly

now your parents roles now this all

depends on you know are they living if

they're not how are you gonna honor them

or do you want to honor them right it

can be the same or different they can

help you know walk the aisle they can do

you know the mother mother of the bride

duties that kind of stuff

or they don't have to really it's it's

totally up to you whatever's I can just

see that they're at some point they're

gonna be a little older and maybe not

able to walk down the aisle so easily or

you know be out in the backyard or son

or whatever you just have to kind of

keep that in mind

gifts all right no no don't expect them

definitely don't expect them but there

are these people that like to give gifts

and want to give gifts so if they do

accept it gracefully and say thank you I

intend to thank you and send a thank-you

yes absolutely but definitely don't ask

or expect right and don't go register

no no registries cake of course always

cake oh yeah or a desert yeah or do I

done at wall you and your freaking no no

I say yes I mean it's it's it's a

celebration it's a party of course

you're gonna have cake right yeah or

something yeah some kind of friends

desserts yeah mm-hmm

ice cream sodas and oh yeah of course

you have guests if you want them yeah

that's totally up to you

it could be just your family your family

Coast friends you don't this is not

something that you invite your

co-workers to yeah no it's something

like that I would invite my co-workers

to her vow renewal no they're not that

special to you unless it's your really

good friends anyway yeah so include them

too right let them tell embarrassing and

funny stories about you that would be

you know that give you something to

laugh at and remember yeah you don't

have to do it at the ceremony you can do

it at the reception like that when they

do toast oh look it's toast in a minute

we also recommend having a photographer

and videographer yes absolutely period

right because it's fun yeah and it's

it's yes it's informal it's not a a

formal ceremony reception all a take it

out and and just you know super formal

but it's a big celebration of surplus if

you got married type 25 years ago you

probably don't have a good wedding video

yeah let me tell you it was probably

Uncle Joe with his big VHS camcorder on

his shoulder again you know it's just

something that you want to remember

mm-hmm and nowadays they will last

forever you can have them on a CD you

could have them on a USB stick you don't

want anything they don't have they're

not on a tape right so they'll last a

long time that's right and you know

you're probably not spending a lot of

money on the other stuff because you're

not gonna do a ton of floral and decor

and all that kind of stuff so you can

actually spend money on good photography

in videography QWOP quality photography

and videography renders toasts yes have

them this is where that could tell funny

and funny and embarrassing stories about

your I mean this is just like an extra

part of the party you know laughing and

having fun and make sure that you thank

everybody of course yes you don't need

to send thank-you notes because you were

thanking them at the party especially if

you don't need gifts right get receive

gifts so you don't need to send a

thank-you no just thank them at the

party toasts to your guests yes and and

unless they bring you a gift

unsolicited then send them a thank-you

card cuz that's good at it can of course

of course we've already kind of went

over this the big number anniversaries

if you eloped if you didn't have a good

wedding experience

yikes and of course always always always

go on at least a second honeymoon yeah

is if it's not the second honeymoon go

on a honeymoon yes this is your renewal

moon there you go yeah you gotta

commence it would not commence what does

it consummate all this new vowels is you

can wear these new vows I think we've

had too much caffeine today man no I

mean so to answer your questions

French lady I hope we've done that and

if you have any more questions please

let us know but we're so excited that

you're doing this and that you reached

out to us so that I am so excited so

that we could have researched this and

see what all the rules or non rules are

hopefully you have a great time what is

this 20 years congratulations

I'm coming up on 20 years Shannon's a

little more than 20 years so we totally

get that they are actually going to do

something kind of fun they're going on a

cruise I believe and having it there so

I it's just gonna be it's gonna be great

I think for them and I you know the

whole thing about this it's don't stress

out too much you know on just plan a


yeah plan a party and don't worry about

getting things perfectly right because

there is no perfectly right especially

with the vow renewal right so good luck

French lady you obviously love listening

to podcast we'll have you tried an audio

book hi I'm Kim and I am an audiobook

listener it's actually my preferred way

to quote unquote read and if you haven't

tried listening to one yet go to WWE my

ring to Vale comm slash free book to get

a free audiobook from audible

so the second email we received is from

Theresa Robbins and she goes hey guys

love the podcast I had a question about

flower girls and ring bears

should they attend the rehearsal dinner

she has two flower girls and two ring

bearers and if they do attend she needs

to invite all their parents if they do

how does she invite all their parents

right now do a half to their three of

each of the parents have three children

so she needs to invite the children yes

okay so this is getting complicated it

is yes they need to be at the rehearsal

definitely I hate to say this but it is

up to you whether you invite them to the

rehearsal dinner right I personally

would not mm-hmm because a rehearsal

dinner is late at night it's usually

eight seven eight o'clock at night it

usually runs pretty long mm-hmm

kids get cranky depending on how old

they are and plus they have so many

other kids right I mean it adds to your

bills yeah and usually the rehearsal

dinner is covered by the groom's parents

and so I would ask them as well is it

okay for me to it if they're paying for

it and then ask them and if not yeah you

could you could invite the child plus a

parent a parent because what the the

whole rehearsal dinner is for the bridal

party right and their talents there's

plus one so it would be that we heard

the ringbearer plus one you know so the

parent attending to them during the

rehearsal practice can bring them yes

right I would invite the whole family

you wouldn't invite them I wouldn't okay

yeah I wouldn't either and and that's

not just it's not to be mean and to keep

him out but it's just to keep it

controlled and again if they're really

young you know the parents might not

even want to bring them out at that

point maybe it's almost bedtime so it's

okay if you don't invite them or you

could have a babysitter on hand if

that's the route you want to go and you

really want the parents to be there so

it just depends on on what you want but

it's absolutely okay to tell them no

yeah and plus we're you

having this rehearsal dinner true is it

a fancy place mm-hmm who's it a nice

elegant restaurant yeah keep that in

mind too

yeah so it's okay not to invite

everybody and just tell the parents you

know yes we are but it's gonna be a

little upscale and it's not really a

place for young children's and and

surely the parents will understand right

oh I mean I did when I was young and I

had young kids I didn't want to bring

them to fancy places I don't want to

bring my and they're 16 and 13 kids so

we hope that helps Teresa and

congratulations to you also and we hope

that your planning is going really well

and you're not too stressed out about it

it all goes great yeah so if you have a

question for us we will make it a whole

show mostly or a segment our segment in

this show we will answer your question

on air that's right that's an incentive

yeah yeah ask us a question it's fun if

you can ask us a question you can

message us on Facebook mm-hmm email us

at info at firming to vote com there you

go very easy so a couple of housekeeping

things so Shannon's working on her house

going to be leaving the area we have

planned out our schedule but we hope to

to accomplish before she leaves but we

have secured a guest host guest co-host

host for a couple of weeks yeah and

she's our favorite photography guru

that's right those shows will be out

next month probably which we will record

with her we're taking care of everything

no worries yeah there's still gonna be

show if you have a place for me to stay

between Seattle and Austin because I'm

driving oh yeah with a dog with kids and

a husband you shouldn't said that there


but we also have some other ideas that


flushing out and figuring out that we're

kind of excited about so hopefully and

we also have Jessica Bishop from the

budget savvy bride coming up yes

absolutely hope you guys have been

enjoying what we've been putting out

lately we've we've found some really

cool guest hosts to join us and some

really cool topics I believe let us know

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