Wedding gift etiquette - How to give and receive wedding gifts

I'm Lisa Bernbach for howdini comm what

are the rules for wedding gifts can you

register at several different stores can

you return gifts you don't like here to

discuss the art of the wedding gift is

karlie Roni editor-in-chief of the na

komm whose new book is the knot book of

wedding lists hi Carly hello should you

register first of all please register

for gifts I tell couples it is so

important people don't know what you

need they don't know what you want they

don't know what style your home is it

makes it easier for everybody involved

if you just go out there and register

for wedding gifts but it's not that easy

it's actually you know it takes a lot of

time to do you actually have to make

decisions you might not have that new

apartment or home yet what color is our

living room gonna so there's a there's a

lot involved in it but it makes it much

easier to just go ahead and do it

fortunately now there are actually

online services you know wedding

channels comm you mean type in anyone's

name and find out wherever in the

country they're registered now the one

thing is karlie when you register and

you get a gift from your list then you

know exactly how much your friends spent

well what is interesting is I found

after surveying many many brides they

were beep happier that you bought

something less expensive off their

registry so you bought them a $30 pan

off their registry then you went out and

tried to save money doing it some other


the worst thing a guest can do actually

is to go in see where you're registered

for and then try to find it somewhere

else more cheaply spend what you can

afford on a wedding gift and buy it off

of someplace buy it someplace the couple

knows where it came from which is the

best place is their registry and what

about finding something elegant terrific

you know I think you can buy someone

anything if it's convenient you to go to

a wonderfully elegant store near you but

please get a gift receipt so they can

return it and make sure to include like

you know what this made this sung out to

us if this was something you guys might

like but please feel free to return it

if it doesn't match your decor or

whatever it is give people the out now

is there a tactful way for a couple to

suggest that they would rather have cash

clearly couples are so neat of cash they

often it's not just that they also want

cash it's that they have so many of the

things they need they've already been

living together for three years they

bought their home together you know two

years ago and so their needs are

what they want is new hardwood floors or

you know something for their home that

they can't register for you could say

among close friends you know if you say

once again a maid of honor could know

the best man could know maybe your

parents could know so if their friends

say to them like you know do you know

anything which is like actually they're

saving up for home and what they really

love is actually cash you know so tell

people but don't don't put it on your

invitation yeah for bed don't say it

yourself now is it still traditional to

display the gifts in the bride's parents

dining room it's actually not very good

etiquette to even bring a gift to a

wedding these days you're supposed to

you know send the gifts in advance to

the location that either the invitation

came from or where the couple has

designated on their registry that they

like the gift sent to that's one of the

other beauties buying on the Internet

you buy the gift to get shipped to them

you never have to worry about it again

and I always tell wedding guests to as

soon as you get the invitation go buy

the gift because that's what otherwise

all the good games are gonna be taken oh

you're gonna go and there's gonna be the

$350 coffee maker and the $14 spatula

you'll be like oh now what do I do now

Carly I'm a little confused if I get

invited to an engagement party or a

bridal shower am i buying a present for

the engagement party for the bridal

shower and for the wedding

uh-huh three gifts per wedding I know

it's and then they're the ones that have

the multiple showers you were only

required to bring one shower gift across

time but certainly showers and weddings

you are required and you would be

surprised how many people never send a

gift to a couple Carly I spent the first

month after my honeymoon just writing

thank-you notes that's all I did what

are the rules of thumb for writing those

notes well your thank-you notes should

be written if you receive a gift before

the wedding you have about two weeks to

send a thank-you note and after the

wedding about four weeks you know if

you've received a post honeymoon

literally you should just have the rule

that you don't take the item out of the

box until you've written a thank-you

note that you keep thank your notes in a

pile you always have them with you you

know you want to make them a little bit

personal like don't just say thanks you

know for the gift put in there like

thank you for the

lovely Vaz it's gonna go perfectly in

our home love Gina and Tom and be done

with it returning gifts now that's an

age-old tradition too is that I think

it's okay what you want to do is be

careful about it you don't go you don't

call the person say I love your case I'm

gonna return it but so it's something

you do subtly and and you make sure you

write a thank-you note for the original

gift you were given well I think that

that about does it for us Thank You

Carly thank you for howdini calm I'm

Lisa Bernbach