well hello lovely humans and welcome

back to my channel in last week's live

I had an overabundance of the same

requests and that is how do you write

your vows like what are you supposed to

do if you're gonna write your own vows

and I have a sneaking suspicion it's

because a lot of us have some extra time

on our hands right now so I thought it'd

be a good idea to throw together a video

on how to write the perfect vows so

without further ado let's just jump

right on into it so first and foremost

I'm just gonna say you don't need to

write your own vows if you don't want to

you don't have to you can absolutely go

with traditional vows you can go with

the pre written ones you don't have to

write anything from scratch if you don't

want to so like if that's you feel free

to stop watching right now I completely

allow it but it could be fun if you want

to stick around on the journey with me

because who knows what might come up out

of my mouth but if you choose to do it

you're going to want to do some prep

work before you actually put pen to

paper the first person you could talk to

you is you're efficient if he or she has

done this before my guess is they have

some great tips for you on putting

together your own vows they may even

have a template for you which is a

game-changer because then it kind of

gives you a framework to work with

moving forward so you're not flying

blind they would also be a great source

for like a pep talk or encouragement for

what they've seen work really well and

what they seem that hasn't worked as

well next you're going to want to talk

to your fiance and this is something

that I did with my husband because I

love writing I love reading I'm a bit of

a wordy character if y'all haven't

picked up on that just yet I am so I

went to my now husband then fiance and

said okay how we gonna do this like are

we are we doing it short and sweet

are we copying something off the

internet are we writing it from scratch

like what are we doing because I didn't

want mine to be super super long and he

has to be super super short because he

does not like writing and he hates

public speaking and in case you haven't

noticed I like I like talking the next

thing I recommend that you do is talk to

your fiance and figure out kind of what

you want to do to

do you want to add traditional elements

are you going to be using a traditional

template and tweaking it to kind of fit

who you guys are you're gonna want to

talk about length I recommend about two

to three minutes for personalized vows

but you're gonna want to figure out kind

of an equal length and an equal pacing

so it doesn't feel like one of you is

talking for forever and the other one

says like for words

next you're gonna want to decide if you

are going for like a funny angle and

sharing funny stories are you going

super sweet and romantic are you doing a

mix of both and while they don't have to

be perfectly matched in this regard if

one person is kind of turning the vows

into a romantic roast and you're going

straight for the sappy stuff I don't

know like that's entirely up to you but

it is kind of good to discuss like where

do you want to go with this what are you

feeling what are you thinking obviously

like if one of you is a stand-up

comedian you know like it was gonna be

funny no matter what but it is a good

idea to kind of jump into this both on

the same page next I would highly

recommend jumping on the Internet and

reading through either actual examples

of vows or finding a template to work

with especially if you're super nervous

there is absolutely no harm in jumping

on the internet and reading through

other people's vows and borrowing ideas

that you find to be really cool or

really special because here's the deal

it's still gonna be different for your

wedding because it's your love story so

it's not cheating to use a template or

to to read over some other people's vows

to give you a little bit of guidance now

here's where you want to sit on down

with a piece of paper and a pen or type

it up on your laptop it's up to you and

really reflect on your relationship

together how did you guys start what is

your love story look like what's a

struggle that you guys went through and

overcame what do you love about your

fiancé what drives you nuts but you

promise to deal with for the rest of

your life you know what I mean so really

focus on what your relationship looks

like what your favorite parts of your

relationship are any funny stories or

tidbits that you feel like that might be

fun to share and now we get to the

actual writing portion of things Before

we jump into that I will say it is

probably in your best interest to avoid

overly embarrassing stories now a couple

little quips here and there funny little

anecdotes are highly welcomed but you

don't want to spit roast your fiancee in

your vows this is a moment where you can

be kind of funny but you are promising

forever to each other so do your best to

avoid overly embarrassing stories and or

anecdotes I would also recommend not

going too hard on the inside jokes you

can have one or two but if you go and

explain an entire story that no one in

the crowd is gonna get it's gonna be

really hard for them to track with you

after doing a ton of research which of

course is something I do for all of

these videos I found that there's a

pretty easy four-step framework when

writing your vows the first thing you're

gonna want to do is talk about your love

story or share a story and this can be

how you first met what drew you to this

person this could be a struggle that you

overcame because it doesn't all have to

be positive you can talk about how you

soldier through something together and

how it made you stronger on the other

side next you're gonna want to affirm

your partner what do you love about them

their laugh their smile the way they

handle situations I mean you know your

partner better than anyone on this

planet so you can really come up with a

couple of great things that you just

want to say here's what I love about you

from my husband he is strong and

steadfast and I know that I can always

depend on him he is so loyal he is so


like he's man that that man is hilarious

I hope he doesn't see this though cuz he

won't let me hear the end of that but he

is and that's one of the things that I

love the most about him next we're gonna

want to make promises it really isn't

considered a vow unless you promise or

vow to do something I promise to always

kiss you goodnight I promise to do my

best to put my socks

into the hamper it doesn't have to be

serious it can be silly or a mixture of

both but come up with a couple of things

that you promise to do in your

relationship moving forward or that you

will do your best to do and then you can

end it with a final big vow this is a

great opportunity to circle back to the

beginning of your vows when you were

sharing that story or you were sharing

what you loved about them I vow to give

you space to express your creativity if

you told a story about how their

creativity drew you in some way to

interconnect what you said at the

beginning and then share again at the

end as a part of your final vow you

don't have to do it that way but it is a

great way to almost sandwich the vows

all together so now you have them

written and you're like boom

off that hook cool we're done moving

forward not so fast

this is only your first draft I know I


I know like none of us want to reflect

back to high school or junior high or

whenever we learned about first draft

second draft rough draft like it just

makes all of us cringe a teeny tiny bit

I know but you're about to promise your

love forever to someone so I don't think

it hurts to go over it a couple of times

and tweak is necessary especially if

public speaking is not your thing

practice reading it aloud remember

earlier when I said ideally it'll be

about two to three minutes if you find

yourself going on for five minutes

you've got too much in there if you find

yourself done after 30 seconds you might

want to beef it up just a little bit to

try to make it to that two minute mark

another great thing to do while you're

reading it out loud is mark for pauses

and intonations if you have something

that you feel like maybe particularly

funny or maybe particularly sweet you

might want to add a pause after you make

that statement for the crowd to chuckle

appropriately instead of barreling

through their natural and organic

reaction to the funny little tidbit that

you just said make sure that you pause

and allow them to laugh and enjoy that

moment with them whether you're laughing

or crying allow yourself to have pauses

when appropriate and that may be

something you want to write into your

vows as well that's okay just don't read

the word pause out loud that's like

don't do that I promise to always put my

socks into the hamper or at least I'll

try pause yeah wouldn't recommend that I

would also highly recommend that you

find a trusted loved one not your future

spouse but someone else to read them to

this will help you to feel a lot more

secure in what you're sharing so both my

husband and I actually chose his sister

Rachel to read our vows to so we could

have like someone to gauge whether they

were similar enough and whether they

would work well together so he practiced

with her and then I practiced with her

for us that was a great way to make sure

that we were kind of like same length

same level of emotion now you don't have

to find the same person to share your

vows with it just worked out really

really well for us and I felt so much

better going into our wedding day

knowing that that the same person had

heard both sets of vows and like gave us

her seal of approval moving forward now

after all of this please do not put too

much pressure on yourself if you find

yourself getting too stressed out about

having the perfect words or phrases it

exactly right

feel free to repeat any of the

steps go back and look at more templates

go back and read other vows you can

always make tweaks and additions moving

forward and if you're nervous keep

reading it out loud keep practicing keep

going back to your sounding board and or

your friends / editor and sharing those

vows over and over and over again or a

new person if that person gets worn out

and find a new person to share those

vows with because then you have a fresh

set of ears and fresh mind and a fresh

perspective ideally it is best you have

your vows done about three to four weeks

before your event trust me when I say

this the last few weeks are going to be

just kind of a whirlwind last minute

detail families are coming in from out

of town like you're getting your nails

done your hair done you've got a lot of

stuff going on in those final few days

and putting a bunch of pressure to write

the perfect vows at that time it's going

to be super stressful now this is one of

those do as I say and not as I did type

things because I think I definitely

wrote mine like two days before maybe

three it was super stressful don't

recommend it don't recommend it at all

but it was like high school Jamie came

back out and was like hey remember how

you procrastinate a lot and then you

write the 7 page paper the day before

it's due yeah apparently the marriage

vows are are not exempt from my

procrastination style so I definitely

have those done ahead of time don't do

what I did and the last thing you're

gonna want to do very last thing is

rewrite them onto a clean copy if you do

not trust your penmanship or if you

don't like it or if you're worried you

won't be able to read it well feel free

to type it out I mean I personally love

vow books I love it when vows are either

handwritten on torn pieces of paper or

something that you can frame later and

go back to I think there's something

really really sweet about that but the

most important thing is to make sure

it's clean and easy to read you don't

want anything with a bunch of stains on

it you don't want anything you

accidentally crumpled you want it to be

legible because if you get up there and

you can't read your own handwriting and

then you start ad libbing that could

either be really really great or really

really bad so make sure you have a clean

copy going into your wedding day that

you can either hold on to you have a

bridal party member hold on to or you're

efficient can hold on to it for you so

that's what we have for today foe

thank you so much for stopping by I know

we all have a little bit of extra time

on our hands right now so it's never too

early to start your vows it's never too

early to start taking notes or

reflecting back on your relationship or

looking at templates or other vows

online the more time you give this the

more confident you will feel sharing it

on your wedding day

if you guys have any other tips from

vowel writing be sure to leave those in

the comments below as always thank you

so much for watching if you haven't done

so already like the video because you'll

like the video and subscribe to this

channel for more tips and tricks for the

modern-day bride and until next week bye